her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
