Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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