I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
