The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
