google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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