feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
