I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
