CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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