So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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