i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
