There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
