Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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