Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
