i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well you can't waste a boner
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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