Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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