I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
