Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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