you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
