so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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