made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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