If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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