what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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