The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
