The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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