Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
