I faked an abortion last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
