if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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