I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
