i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
