i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
