My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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