I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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