Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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