So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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