I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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