I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
