I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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