i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
