Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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