Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your topless pictures make me question reality
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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