now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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