Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
