Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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