so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this just has baby written all over it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
