No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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