Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
