This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize