I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
