The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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