Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
