a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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