4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
