I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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