People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
