and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
