these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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