life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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