so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
