The best revenge is premature balding
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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